The Grossmont College Child Development Center welcomes families from many cultures. But one semester, says director Kathryn Ingrum, an African American mom “told me I was the only ‘white folk’ that she trusted.” The mom said because of past experiences, she did not like or trust anyone at the center but blacks, although “she was respectful and kind when she said this.”

But this mother was going back to school and anxious to learn to use the computers in the center’s Community Room. “Another mom, a Hispanic woman, took the time and patience to help her build her skills,” recalls Ingrum. “A relationship developed (resulting in) trust of another person of a different culture.”

Helping parents of different cultures connect is important, says Ingrum, because “preparing children for a culturally and linguistically diverse world is the most critical work we can do. Parents are the most important teachers—we make (our work) easier the more we include parents in that process.”

To support relationships between parents of different cultures, early care and education teachers say that teachers and providers need to respect all parents and offer ways for parents of different cultures to get to know each other.

Welcome all parents

Caregivers need to “set up a culture that says everyone’s welcome,” says Jean Monroe, an early childhood education consultant and co-chair of the Bay Area Network For Diversity Training in Early Childhood. “How parents are received sets the tone. If you’re warm to every parent, kids pick up on it. Children need to know you respect their parents because that is how they respect themselves. It’s contagious; it trickles down.”

“We spend up to two hours doing orientation, getting to know that family and their family’s culture so we can support them from the get-go,” says Linda Stephan, site supervisor for the Modesto Junior College Wawona Child Development Center.

Bring each family’s culture to the classroom

At Wawona, families are asked to bring in pictures of their home countries. When a family speaks a different language, parents are asked to teach other children songs in that language. “If the family eats a lot of rice, we would make sure rice is on our menu,” says Stephan.

“I work with every family to get to know them,” says Marisela Cerna, who teaches two-year-olds at Grossmont. Her classroom has pictures of all her students and their families, and each child creates a family photo album for the classroom. Grossmont hasn’t been celebrating holidays, but next year they will start asking families to bring in their holiday traditions.

Provide a place for parents to meet

Four years ago, Grossmont staff created a community room, with a couch, tables, chairs, computers with Internet access, and phones. Parents can eat, study, or just relax, and “meet informally on a daily basis,” says Ingrum. “It’s where parents can start to talk to each other and build relationships.”

Sometimes in the afternoon, says Ingrum, there’ll be a group of moms sitting on the floor in the infant room with their babies and talking. “The climate of the room invites parents to be a part of it,” says Ingrum. “And to use it as an opportunity to have conversations with one another.”

Help families get to know each other

Grossmont hosts two annual family nights. During their recent “nacho night,” parents from the two and three-year-old rooms painted a huge canvas together. “When you’re doing something with your hands,” says Ingrum, “the conversations really flow naturally.”

“People tend to find out everyone’s OK when they work together,” agrees Monroe—for example, parents might build a fence for the center’s outdoor area. “When you get people focusing on what they can do to help their children, then all of a sudden you find people laughing and talking and finding out they have things in common.” She also advises staff to participate and help facilitate.

Help parents see what they have in common

When Monroe meets with parent groups who have become polarized around ethnicity, she tries to help them find things in common. When parents come in, they usually divide up into ethnic or racial groups, she says. She lets them stay where they’re comfortable and then gives them an activity that brings them together.

Sometimes parents have a minute to find out something about everyone in the room—or who else has the same shoe size or favorite TV show. Other times, parents are blindfolded and led about by a parent of a different ethnicity.

“It’s little things,” says Monroe, “but if they focus less on their differences (and more on what they) find in common, the less tension there is. You can see the warmth across the table.”

Speak a common language

Sometimes, says Monroe, problems arise when staff members and parents speak languages that not everyone understands. Monroe suggests that everyone agree on a common language and ask people to speak that language in public spaces. That way others aren’t wondering if people are talking about them or excluding them. If not everyone speaks the common language, she adds, it’s important to provide translators so everyone is included.

Talk with parents about problems

One year African American parents at Grossmont were offended by another parent’s “white power” ankle tattoos. So the teacher “initiated a conversation about the tattoos, saying other parents were concerned,” recalls Ingrum. “Though we didn’t ask her to, the (mom) wore socks for the rest of the semester.”

Another time two parents told her about an argument over a parking space. A friend of another parent used a racial slur against a grandmother in the program. The two parents who reported the incident “were not of (the grandmother’s) culture, but they had built this protective relationship with (her) and were offended for her.”

Ingrum confronted the woman, who admitted she had “flown off the handle.” Ingrum put her in contact with the grandmother and the woman apologized through email. If this had happened between two center parents, says Ingrum, she would have sat down with them in a mediation process and provided support to both parents.

For more ideas, contact:

• Bay Area Network on Diversity in Early Childhood, 510-658-9197
• Parent Services Project, 415-454-1870, www.parentservices.org