Families are feeling the stress of the worsening economy—and so are children. This  translates into pressures on children in many ways, says early childhood consultant Pam Gingold—from witnessing domestic violence to “a home where things don’t feel safe and stable.”

Early care and education teachers and providers may see more children acting out—other children may get discouraged or withdraw. Children may have problems paying attention, and stress makes it hard to learn. Any sudden change in behavior can signal stress, says early  childhood consultant Cherida Gruenfeldt.

Children’s stress has been a hot topic among San Francisco Peninsula child development center directors, adds Teri Stewart, President of the local Association for the Education of Young Children. Experienced teachers have some powerful strategies for helping children cope.

David: Predictable routines

Gruenfeldt remembers when three-year-old “David,” went from being “so happy, ready to try anything, [to] not playing, [always] checking with me.” She asked David’s mom about it, but “[Mom] chose not to share.” Gruenfeldt chatted with Mom every day and soon found out the family was going through a very difficult divorce.

To calm David’s anxiety, Gruenfeldt “stayed with him [during] transitions and talked him through it in a warm, inviting voice.” She added pictures to the schedule so he and others could see what came next. She also let him do “‘sensory water play.’ It helps them soothe.”

David improved but remained clingy, so Gruenfeldt helped his mother find him a therapist. The following year, he was still anxious when his mother left. “I suggested she read a book or play with him and [say], ‘In five minutes I’m going to leave and you can come over with Cherida,’” Gruenfeldt also reminded David, “If you’re nervous you can stay by me.”

Nicole: Story book

Four-year-old “Nicole” pinched, Gingold recalls, so children didn’t want to sit near her. She didn’t pay attention and yelled at the teachers.

Gingold created a book with photos of Nicole, a technique developed for autistic children (see below: Resources). She took pictures of Nicole throughout the day, happy and smiling—and even took photos of her at home. The book included simple captions: “Nicole wakes up. She looks forward to school. She eats breakfast—she loves Cheerios!”

“When I first read her book to her, she just sat and cried,” Gingold says. “I asked, ‘Are you feeling sad?’ She shook her head. Then she had me read it again.” Later, when Nicole was crying because “someone said something mean, I showed her a picture of herself happy outside. She smiled and got up to play.”

Nicole’s family situation was rough—her mother used drugs and experienced domestic violence, while her father and stepmother were very strict. Gingold worked with the father and stepmother, even suggesting they relax some rules. “They know I really care about her. They would say, ‘We tried something you suggested and it helped a lot.’ Nicole still has issues, but she got much better. I paid special attention to reminding her she could make it.”

Martin: Special time

Happy Hall Director Mary Lou Johnson recalls when teachers asked her for help with “Martin,” a second grader who wouldn’t participate in activities. Johnson visited the classroom several times a week, to spend “special time” (see box) with Martin.

“I hate school. I hate homework,” Martin told Johnson. He was in a tutoring program over the summer—with homework! “He was having a lot of anger,” Johnson recalls. “His parents told him, ‘In September we still want you to be smart,’ so he felt like tutoring meant he wasn’t smart.”

Academic pressure adds stress for preschoolers, too, says Johnson. “I’ve seen four-year-olds get ‘in trouble’ because they didn’t know how to answer questions in circle time and felt stupid.’”

“[Martin] started to open up,” says Johnson—and told her about a secret mountain of dirt he and a friend had constructed, with elaborate tunnels and water from the drinking fountain (against the rules). He worried he’d get in trouble.

“I saw how engaged he was. They worked on it for weeks. I told him, ‘You can write about this for your homework,’ and took photos.” This helped Martin develop confidence to ask for permission next time: “[Adults] might be able to say yes.”

Giving children tools

“The gas that children run on, what allows them to feel peaceful and safe, is attention from adults,” says Patty Wipfler, director of Hand in Hand Parenting. Wipfler and Gruenfeldt offer strategies to help children deal with stress.

• Special time:  “When a child is clearly stressed, [have] one person handle the [group while] the other gives that child three minutes of ‘special time.’ Use eye contact, touch, a generous tone. Children plump up like a wilted flower that’s been watered,” says Wipfler.
  
  
• Stay listening: “When a child is bouncing off the walls, put your arm around him, saying ‘I’m not going to let you throw blocks (or whatever it is).’ Make eye contact. Don’t judge or teach. The child needs to feel the attention coming in. They may say, ‘Go away,’ but we say, ‘No, I’m going to stay with you.’ 
  
  Then the child begins to express that emotional tension. Let the child have their feelings [or] they’ll stumble over themselves all day, carrying around tension,” says Wipfler.
  
  
• Breathing exercises: “One boy couldn’t stop crying,” says Gruenfeldt. “I said, ‘Take deep breaths in through your nose and breathe out your mouth.’ A few days later he said, ‘You know when I was crying and I did that breath thing? I tried it again.’ ‘Did it work?’ ‘Yeah!’”
  
  
• Simple yoga: “One place I worked,” says Gruenfeldt, “before circle time, children would sit cross-legged with their hands over their heads, palms together [the ‘mountain pose’], breathing in and out. When they felt calm, they put their hands down.
  
  Sometimes when children came in [from the playground] pushing, we did the ‘lion pose’—sit [on] your knees, breathe in, and make claws. Roar until you have no more breath. Roar like a mouse, ‘eeeee.’ Roar like a rabbit. What does rabbit say? Nothing! Just breathe! They started doing it on their own.”

Resources

• Helping Children Cope With Stress, from North Carolina State University, www.nncc.org/Child.Dev/child.pdf
  
  
• Social Stories, from the Gray Center, describes how adults can write simple stories to help children better understand their world, www.thegraycenter.org/
  
  
• Hand in Hand Parenting offers parenting classes and support groups, 650-322-5323,
  www.handinhandparenting.org 
  
  
• Books: Helping Children Cope with Stress, Avis Brenner, Jossey-Bass, 1997; Caring: Supporting Children’s Growth, Rita M. Warren, NAEYC, 1977
  
  
• Workshops: Cherida Gruenfeldt, 510-482-5173; Pam Deyell-Gingold, 209-631-5252
  

Extra resources from the Children’s Advocate bulletin

• Stress and Young Children, from the Clearinghouse on Early Education and Parenting, discusses how young children experience stress and how adults can respond.
  
  
• Stress In Young Children, from Healthy Child Care, offers tips for helping children cope with stress.
  
  
• Finding Your Smile Again is a guide to avoiding burnout and reducing stress for early care and education teachers and providers. $15. By Jeff Johnson, available from Redleaf Press. 
  
  

For parents and families in your program:

• Helping Kids Cope with Stress, from Kids Health, offers strategies for helping kids handle stress. 
  
  
• Nuestros Niños offers tips in Spanish for families about helping children cope with stress, along with other parenting topics.
  
  

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